Salome and Chancellors have started the first step in their war against humans. The largest True Blood Factory in the world, based in Houston, has exploded. Six humans have died and the Holy War has begun.

After a quick prayer to Lillith, Salome, the other Chancellors, Bill, and Eric all feast on a man strapped to their conference table. Given the fact that this man is bound and gagged, this guy does NOT want to be the midnight snack.

Done with his snack, Eric retreats to a small room where he finds Molly. Molly, being the vampire tech chick she is, finds out she no longer has access throughout the compound and is not happy. Eric tells Molly they have to get out of that place. Unfortunately, the Authority’s headquarters are on lock down and only certain vampires have blood clearance to enter and exit the building. Eric and Molly are not on the list of lucky Vampers! Luckily, Molly has a plan she isn’t sure will work but will surely get them killed. To Eric, it sounds perfect!

Sam and Luna are in his trailer arguing over whether or not Luna should help Sam search for the “Obamas”. Hell bent on revenge, Luna refuses to sit back and let Sam save her. They decide to go back to the house where Jessica was held and sniff out more clues.

Terry and Arlene are discussing Terry leaving to find his friend, Patrick. Arlene does not want Terry to get killed but Terry insists that he will offer the man a fair fight regardless of the outcome.

Jessica is in the police station crying blood soaked tears over the whereabouts of Hoyt Fortenberry. She insists Hoyt did not abandon her and that he might have met an unfortunate doom. Jason Stackhouse appears and tries to comfort Jessica, but after shooting her in the head, she won’t even let him wipe her tears.

 Meanwhile, Snookie is at home looking in her bathroom mirror with a gorgeously fabulous Lafayette. Snookie wants to see if Lafayette can help her find the ghost of Worlow, the vampire that killed her parents and came to visit her in the last episode. In his way, Lafayette reminds Snookie that he is NOT Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost. Of course he throws in the fact that he is prettier!

To lighten the stress of contacting the other side, Sookie decides to shift the focus to Tara. Sookie wants to know if Lafayette has heard anything from his cousin but unfortunately, he only gets text messages that say “B*tch stop texting me or I will eat you”.

All of a sudden Lafayette starts hearing things from the other side. Confused with all of the voices, he yells for them to shut the f*ck up so he can get the message he was meant to hear. Lafayette quickly apologizes for his language because he is now on the spiritual line with Adele Hale Stackhouse, also known as “Gram”. Sookie asks “Gram” for a clue about who killed her parents. Being cryptic, as the dead typically are, she tells Sookie she is sleeping on top of it. Sookie looked under the bed and discovered a large flowered box.

The scene quickly switches over to Pam sitting in her office inside Fangtasia. Tara enters carrying cases of True Blood. She fears flying through what little True Blood they have left so she decides to hoard a few cases. Pam refuses to allow this to happen and demands that Tara serve the True Blood. Pam insists that serving the True Blood will prevent the Vampires from eating the humans and ultimately killing her business. She tells Tara that when the True Blood is gone, then they will discreetly feed on humans privately.

Tara sees this moment as a way to bond with Pam and offers her ear if she ever wants to discuss how much she misses Eric. Pam quickly responds by saying, “Just because we drank a bitch together doesn’t make us Oprah and Gayle”. Tara coldly stares at Pam and replies by saying, “Suck me, Vampire Barbie”.

  The scene shifts back to Eric who is now at the Authority with Bill. He shares his plan with Bill but Bill isn’t sure if his experience was totally a figment of his imagination. Although wavering, Bill agrees to get a drop of Salome’s blood so that they may exit the building.

  Back at the police station, Sheriff Andy Bellefleur and Jason Stackhouse are using the internet to help with their vigilante investigation. Hoping to determine the identity of more of the members, they discover a website called Keep America Human. Dancing around a cross where they burned a Vampire with silver, are the “Obamas”. Infuriated at their inability to solve the case, Andy and Jason decide to go and question Joe Bob. After a five minute beating, they discover nothing new.

  Alcide feels the need to go on a journey and travels to Mississippi to visit his father. Alcide remembers how his father taught him about the meaning of being in a pack. When he arrives, his father is a washed out wolf of himself. This comes as no surprise to Alcide as they share a beer.

  Sookie took her clue from “Gram” and found an article in the box. The article is about the death of her parents and states that Sheriff Bud Dearborne as the investigator on the case. Hoping the ex-Sheriff has clues, she hurried over to the Dearborne house. Unfortunately, Sookie’s mind reading power made the ex-Sheriff nervous and he was no help with her case. Sookie knew he was hiding something so she grabbed his arm and tried to force him into revealing what he was hiding. At that moment, a large woman appeared behind Sookie and struck her in the head with an iron skillet.

Sam and Luna have completed their investigation of the house where Jessica was held. They inform Sheriff Andy that the smelled a large amount of pig feces in the home. Andy turns them away and Sam and Luna decide to transform into flies to find out more about the case from Sheriff Bellefleur.

Patrick watches as Arlene goes to work. He sneaks up behind her and forces her into Merlot’s by gunpoint. She is then forced to call Lafayette and tell him not to come to work. Having the place to themselves, Patrick forces Arlene to call Terry and tell him to meet them there or she dies.

Sookie is faint and barely conscious but finds herself in a pig barn staring down the snouts of a ton of pigs. Luckily she is outside of the gate but these pigs are ready for dinner. Looking over, Sookie notices Hoyt but he is drugged out of his mind. Sookie tries to read his mind but he his thoughts are incoherent.
Andy and Jason are discussing what they just did. Andy is beating himself up for being a bad Sheriff when he notices the boots on one of the Obamas. He realizes those boots belong to Bud. Two small flies get an ear full and fly off in a hurry.

Bud walks in and eventually reveals that the “Dragon” is his girlfriend, Sweetie Des Arts. Sookie finds out that the Sweetie is just hurt because her husband left her for a shifter. She forces Bud to poison Sookie with Ginger Ale and Oxycontin.

Andy and Jason bust into the Dearborne home to find it empty, Just then, Jason remembers that Bud’s wife comes from a family that owns pig farms. The entire Sheriff’s department is on site and they all head over to the pig farm.

Terry arrives at Merlot’s and is told to disarm himself before entering. Patrick plans to shoot Terry in the head to end the curse. Arlene uses this time to use here hair pin to stab Patrick in the neck. Terry and Patrick fight over the gun and Patrick begins to get the upper hand. Suddenly, Arlene picks up the gun and puts it to Patrick’s head.

Back at the Authority, Eric is conversing with his sister as she kneels to Lillith’s tube of blood. She explains to him that Salome would let her taste the blood when Roman was not around. She tries her best to convince Eric that Lillith is the way.

Bill is still struggling with whether or not to believe what he saw when high on Lillith juice. Bill finds himself in bed with Salome who tries again to convince him that Lillith is their savior. During an odd moment of intimacy, he sees Salome as Sookie. He begins to bite her and realizes that he is now having sex with Lillith.
Sweetie decides they will videotape the murder of Hoyt and Sookie. When they release the pigs, one of the pigs turns into Sam Merlot! He moves Sookie and begins to fight the extremists. Bud tries to kill Sam with a shovel despite Andy’s warnings and Andy is forced to shoot him dead. Sookie wakes up and tells Jason Hoyt is there. Jason is crying and begging Hoyt not to die.

Outside, Sweetie is running but there is a dog on her tail. Luna leaps onto Sweetie’s back and punches her until she can subdue her.

Back at Merlot’s, Terry is holding the gun on Patrick. He is torn on whether to shoot Patrick until the woman he killed all those years ago appears. She tells him to do what is right and he kills Patrick. She calls for the Ifrit to remove Patrick’s body and nothing is left but a puddle of blood.

  Fangtasia is getting out of hand. Vampires are demanding True Blood and Pam notices a Vampire feeding on humans and sitting in Eric’s throne. She is told that the Authority has named this Vampire the new Area 5 Sheriff and the Monarch is allowing feeding on humans. Elijah is the new Sheriff in town!

  Andy puts Sookie in his police car and vows to take her home. Sam assures Andy that he is not the worse Sheriff the town ever had and that Bud Dearborne had him beat by a mile. Luna is happy and is ready go to and get her daughter, Emma.

  Russell Edgington introduces his new boyfriend to his Werewolves. He tries to force Martha to drink his blood and when she doesn’t he takes Luna’s daughter (Emma) and gives her to Steve Newlin.

The fairies go and visit Sookie. They inform her that the Vampires are behind the True Blood factory explosion. They tell her they are taking over the world.
The scene reopens and Eric is walking with his sister, Nora. They enter the room with the only exit shown on the show. In the room, Molly is standing there and quickly turns off the security cameras. Molly tosses a needle to Eric and he stabs Nora in the neck with a syringe that knocks her out cold. Molly tells Eric they cannot wait for Bill. Just then, Bill arrives and does not utter a word. They open the elevator and the Authority’s guards are there to arrest Eric. Bill proclaims that Eric is chosen by Lillith and it has to be this way.

Russell Edgington tells the Authority that the legend is true and the blood of Fairies allows them to walk in the day time.

Tara asks if they are going to let Elisiah, the new Sheriff of Area 5, take everything from Pam. Pam says the live in the wind just as she did with Eric.

Eric is being sentenced to the True Death if he does not accept Lillith. He welcomes death.

Luna says she will tell them (humans) everything. She will tell them of the fact that shifters and werewolves exist.

Only 3 episodes left!

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August 7, 2012

True Blood Recap: Everybody Wants To Rule The World

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