Photo credit: Sinclair Institute | Better Sex

Photo credit: Sinclair Institute | Better Sex

It’s oral sex at its finest: sex communication. With couples often focused on sexual maneuvers or specific sex acts as the means to better sex, they often underrate the greater value in communicating about intimacy. In finding out if they’re on the same page or in learning about their lover’s pleasure preferences and sexual response, couples can realize more thriving sex lives with some moves of the mouth, and then some…

Sex communication is critical to any relationship, even those that are long-term and where couples feel that they know each other well. In no longer making assumptions, lovers feel confident knowing what elements are essential to erotica or maintaining passion. Couples can feel closer and more sexually aware in being direct about their likes, dislikes, and unexpressed desires.

Yet this is all more easily said than done, especially in the need to practice effective communication. Whether talking about the frequency of sex, who should initiate, difficulties realizing orgasm, or things you’d like to try, enhancing your sex life comes down to the following key methods of delivery.

Leveling and editing
You need to honestly express your thoughts and feelings clearly, avoiding any unintentionally hurtful or irrelevant statements by censoring or refraining from saying anything negative.

Really listen to your partner during sex talks, without getting defensive. Tune into barriers and hidden emotional messages your lover is trying to express, noting his or her tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions.

Acknowledge what you hear, paraphrasing to clarify that matters are mutually understood. This is where you say in your own words what you think your partner meant. Note: you’re not always agreeing with your partner. You’re affirming that he or she has been heard clearly.

Drawing your partner out
Do not ask questions that require only a “yes” or “no” answer. Ask open-ended questions that allow for more discussion, e.g., what are some things you’d like to explore?

Note your presentation
Gauge your nonverbals during discussions, like your tone of voice, facial expressions, body positions, and use of touch. All of these impact your messages.

Accentuate the positive
Research has found that we like those who give us positive reinforcements, with couples who practice such happier for it. Avoid being critical or judgmental in your sharing. If you need to correct an issue, do so with constructive criticism, which is when you explain what you like about what’s going on, followed by a suggestion on how to improve matters.

yvonne head shotBio: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright PhD, Author– Sultry Sex Talk To Seduce Any LoverDr. Yvonne received her Master’s in Human Sexuality Education from the University of Pennsylvania and her Ph.D. in International Community Health Studies at New York University, where she focused on sexual health and parent-child sex communication.

Tune in tonight at 7pm EST for The Better Sex® Erotic Talk Webinar Series. The first  in a FREE two part series is entitled Erotic Talk Explained – What is Erotic Talk? How do I use it?.  Dr. Yvonne will go over erotic talk basics including, sexy talk,  how to launch an action plan, words to use and how to get inspired.


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January 23, 2013

Let’s Talk About Sex And Satisfaction: Letting Your Pleasures Be Known

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  1. Crystal Green

    January 29th, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    This is wonderful advise. I’ve written blog posts about this similar topic ages ago now. My marriage is completely stronger as a result of having open honest communication with my husband.

    I’ve had to broaden my horizons quite a bit, but it has also lead to greater security with my husband as a result because I know I’m fulfilling what he longs for.